My Specialist Subjects are Beer and Apathy

Lots has happened since I last wrote, and I guess a few of them have been worth writing about, but I’ve just not been in the mood. Had a house party which made me wish that I could take back a lot of things I’d said in the past, as it really sucks to wake up alone and find that the one who promised to be by your side that night never bothered to come to bed. The next morning we rowed about it before meeting my aunt for lunch, fresh from Australia. It was great to see her, she’s like a sister to me and one of few people I could tell anything to.

Later that week, James found out he had Swine Flu. It freaked me stupid, I’d seen Jess pull through it Ok, but she was perfectly healthy – didn’t smoke, no long-term medical conditions, and rarely drank. Compared to James, who smokes like a chimney, has heart problems and drinks like a fish. I tried dismissing it by making jokes such as “get well soon so I can have snuggles”, but that didn’t work. If anything it made me feel worse, it made me feel selfish when deep down I knew it was simply to stop me going nuts.

I’ve got into body modding this summer, now I can finally get my piercings without school breathing down my neck. I started stretching my ears, but stopped due to my spike being ambitious, and certain people close to me being really unhappy about it. Abusive texts, a moaning parent, the lot. I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle, and the spike was taken off my hands.

I had a movie party while James was ill. It just made me feel worse. There’s something sad about not having anyone to cuddle up with at the end of the night when everyone around you has company. The highlight of the week he was ill was seeing Jess actually. A Russell Howard and Peep Show marathon, steak and cheese pizza, cheesecake, and banana pancakes in the morning. Plus I hadn’t seen Jess in a very long time. I’d forgotten how lovely she is. Squealing over russell and Bobby Webb made us both very happy indeed. And arguing with her older brother over his choice in beer (he drinks Fosters. He thinks it’s good) made me giggle no end.

Monday just passed I went to camden, the original plan was to take Adam and one of his friends, who unfortunately couldn’t come, so in the end it was Adam, James, Jacob, Raimondo and I. I had invited Jess but she didn’t notice until that evening. It was a mostly successful trip, I got James a nice granddad pipe, myself a nose ring, and everyone was happy. Adam found a British WWI military jacket, and we even found time to get to Forbidden Planet and Cybercandy. I felt so fat when I got home. James and I played xbox for a bit, played with his pipe and enjoyed some of stuff he bought from a dodgy bloke in the pipe shop. Nice but not amazing.

Wednesday i watched the football. Holland vs England, it was just a friendly but I got quite into it. Despite living in England, and being essentially English, I couldn’t help but root for the orange army. It was a brilliant game to be honest, the two teams have always been closely matched and under Fabio Capello England have really been a lot tighter. I was disappointed not to see Edwin Van Der Saar on the field, as he recently retired. It’s always a shame to lose great players – before him Ruud Van Nistlerooy had left the dutch, and the other football retirement that really sticks in my mind was that of David Seaman, because I distinctly remember England and Arsenal having a rough time of it after that. I should stop waffling about football now, it makes me feel like an old man.

I never noticed how shit I was really feeling until last night, when I realised that even though James was with me, I was mopey, uncomfortable with myself and generally bad company. James and I have had a lot of arguments lately. I’d like to blame him for them but I really can’t, it’s been a mutually assured destruction and it has hurt him as much as it has me. We had one which was brought about when he thought he knew better about a certain individual, who then turned round and tried to fuck us up, and that was his fault, but other than that it’s not been brilliant, and there’s joint responsibility. I hate it. last night I was feeling so down over everything and couldn’t bring myself to talk about it until it all erupted. I don’t like when he’s miserable, I don’t like not being able to communicate but I do find it hard. I don’t want to bug him over every last thing, and sometimes I don’t realise something is causing me distress until I see it at the forefront of my mind and I’m crying over it. It’s not healthy, but over the past few weeks, I’ve just began to stop noticing so much. I think it’s safe to say that recently, my specialist subjects have become beer and apathy. Now, who wants to sing the emo song?

Russell Loves You

Since last writing, I’ve had Livvi’s birthday celebration, food poisoning, a piercing and been grounded. Hopefully the last of these things will be lifted/bent tomorrow night so I get to go to see Mirsky. As my writing skills are quite abysmal at the moment, that will do for an introduction and I’ll jump straight in.

On Saturday night Livvi had her belated birthday celebration. Which involved a trek to North Cheam, brownie, pizza, ask the eight-ball, tennis-ball-truth and movies as usual; but also Yearbooks, 9-girl Ping Pong with books and a list of challenges I simply must attempt in order to feel even more made of awesome than I already am and a new expression to replace the “warm fuzzies” we used to send each other. It’s based on the adorable British comedian Russell Howard. Here he is in action, looking a little confused. I think you need a picture to fully understand why his love can make you so happy.

Russell loves You

So yes, much fun was had by all at Livvi’s. Yet I came back exhausted, slightly sicky from eating too much and really not looking forward to going back to work on the Monday. Fortunately, i didn’t have to.

Unfortunately, this was on doctor’s orders. I woke up late, and was sick. Being as there are confirmed cases of Swine Flu close to my house and also close to the Primary School I’m working at, I decided to go straight to the doctor. Thankfully, it wasn’t the jumped-up disease, it was just some nasty food poisoning, and I was advised just to take it easy. So I slept a little, watched daytime tv, then made some phone calls and by 3 o’clock, I had a shiny new piercing.

I’m very happy with it and it hasn’t gone gammy, but my only regrets are not specifying the type of piercing – as nose screws are a bitch to change after healing and can damage the septum – and using too much antiseptic. It’s dried the skin around the stud, so though the hole itself is clean and healthy, my nose is itchy as fuck. Not that fucking should be itchy. If it is, you’re doing it wrong.

And of course, my nose got me grounded. So I’m waiting for tomorrow and seeing how dad feels, as I’ll either be going out with his agreement or going out without and coming home to a row. I’m determined to go to Mirsky’s. It’ll be a fabulous end to a successful week – a new piercing, slightly calmer children, two nights with James and Parklife almost perfect, despite not being allowed to take my guitar lesson. I just don’t want a row afterwards.

So Much Has Happened, and I Love Being Me

So it’s been a little while since I last posted, but for once I have an excuse, and that is I really have had a lot going on. Let’s start at the top. As mentioned on my last post, I did indeed go to see Spinal Tap on the 30th, and had a downright great evening. The boys I went with are absolute sweethearts, and the one responsible for buying tickets insisted we only paid him back £10 each. We soon figured out that the three of us contributing £10 didn’t even make back the cost of one ticket. I felt so bad, but not quite bad enough to stop myself from stealing chips and drinks off Shaun and Jordan. I get away with it, how can you say no to this little pixie?

You can't say no to me

So yeah, I had a great night at Tap, having a hardcore song and dance, and we got chatting to a lovely blonde  rocker type on the way back. He made Jordan, Gudgey and me giggle because he teased Shaun in quite a cute way. While I continued stealing food, ninja style and unnoticed.

The next morning I uploaded the few photos taken before my camera died, and desperately claimed back some sleep, as I was expecting to go to Dragonforce in the evening. However, after browsing online for information such as when the venue would open for us to pour in (punctuality was very important as we were standing), Jordan and I realised it was not the case, and we’d have to wait until the 29th. Unfortunately for him, he will be in Spain on this date, so despite buying the tickets, and possibly being the only one to pay full price, he won’t be able to go. Poor Jordie. We do love him.

The following Saturday was Daniel’s barbeque. We had to be very careful not to make too much mess as his parents didn’t allow him to have a party. I was really happy with how good the food tasted, so massive kudos to Ryan, Dylan and Chris for all trying their hand at cooking it. I didn’t get poisoned so it’s all good. The thing that really put a damper on my whole night, however, was that five minutes into my arrival, James started getting wound up about me being there without him, despite the fact that due to a recent argument I had literally asked his permission to attend. This was made worse by a fiasco in which someone had the nerve to open someone else’s sealed pack of cigarettes and steal 13. Things like that bug me, it’s not fair to steal, especially off of your friends. If you ask first, someone might share. Which is what happened with the food at the Tap concert, I say I stole it but in truth the boys shared as due to having to pay adult fare I had no money to buy my own, and I offered to contribute to covering them at Dragonforce. I also spent the sunday worrying as I’d tried talking to James and he’d been very non-responsive, so I thought he was still angry at me.

Monday I started work experience at St Ignatius. It was far harder than expected, the discipline was simply awful there and being quite anti-religion, I was quite uncomfortable stood at the back not praying with all the children. Also, I only really picked it as I didn’t get the one I wanted, so it was even more difficult for me. Plus, there was a massive downpour in the afternoon, when I’d rushed into town to get James some nice cakes for his birthday, as I couldn’t get his present in time. I started cooking for him when he got back, and when I found out he was going to be late I wanted to hurt him. Instead I threw his food across the room, and unwrapped his cupcakes. I just stopped short of eating them though, and he made up for it by staying the night, despite it meaning he had to get up obscenely early on his birthday. As mentioned, he turned 20 on tuesday, bless him, and went out for a couple of drinks with some friends. Who apparently started talking about meeting me and telling James he should have a party so that he could orchestrate such a meeting. Which has made me feel nervous for the first time in a long time. I’m not a shy sort but suddenly I’m all scared. What if they don’t like me? What if that bothers James? Oh dear oh dear oh dear

Wednesday and Thursday were my most relaxed days of the week. Wednesday I re-dyed my hair so that it could be fresh and vivid for my prom last night. Well, I say I, in truth Kayleigh did it, and Thursday I went to Elliot’s a day early for my weekly guitar lesson, on account of work experience during the day on Friday and Prom in the evening. I had found guitar tabs for Parklife by  Blur earlier in the week, but they were written too high for me to be capable of playing on my Spanish classical, so he transcribed them for me. I am determined to be able to play the whole song by next Thursday. He also got me to play on his electric for a bit, and recommended I picked on up on the grounds that the necks are so much thinner and it’s easier for me to hold in my tiny little child hands.

I has to play? I can has noms instead? Pixie noms?

So yes, We’ve had Spinal Tap, waiting for Dragonforce, Daniel’s barbeque, James’ 20th birthday and upcoming party, Re-colouring the hair, learning Parklife with Elliot, contemplating a new electric, and, last night, the long-awaited year 11 Tiffin Prom. We arrived in a porsche which no-one saw (sucks) but had a great night anyway. I felt bad for James, he’s a shy sort, and here he was in a room full of people he didn’t know. Thankfully he bonded with Suzy’s boyfriend Rohan, and the two were almost as cute talking all night as Suzy and Rohan were – they were colour co-ordinated and everything. Plus, Suzy had these amazing candy-coloured cigarettes from Russia, which were so pretty I think I literally squealed with excitement when I saw them. Poor James had many cigarettes stolen that night, and one girl – who had been drinking – was rude enough to come onto him when I was sat pretty much on top of him, which he handled well. I was saved the embarrassment or failing to slow dance due to the D.J’s awful choice in song, but we did dance a bit, which was good as I’d bothered to get gel cushions to go in my pretty shoes for said purpose. It was a lovely night and we also got our yearbooks, and I’m going to close with one of my favourite photos of the night, despite the fact that I have a dodgy fringe. Kudos to Elsie for taking it:

Michael Jackson is Dead, I’m Poor and it’s Too Hot for Sex… I’m in trouble.

So Michael Jackson was announced dead last friday in the early hours of the morning, and yes it was shocking. 50 is quite young to die by modern standards, and I always imagined him as a Leonard Cohen sort who would live forever. I always hoped he’d be the Leonard Cohen sort who would live forever. I’m not saying he’s a fabulous person, there’s a lot to suggest otherwise – molestation allegations, dangling baby Blanket out of a hotel window to name just a couple – but it cannot be denied that he was an incredible musician and performer. This really hasn’t been a good year in terms of deaths, we’ve lost Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson, and I guess I must mention Jade Goody. She was talentless and ignorant but she must have had some savvy, as she was the only person to maintain her fame after a stint in a reality TV show. The one thing I will say is now MJ is gone, his children might finally have a normal life.

Moving on to my next item of discontent. I have no money, nowhere to work and I keep getting invited to things. I’m meant to be going to see Spinal Tap tonight, Dragonforce tomorrow and I’ve got a house party/barbeque to attend on Saturday. Oh, and I went to two barbeques on sunday, and impressed everyone with my mad singing skills. And Thorpe Park yesterday, paying for water there was ridiculous, but necessary. It was so hot and there was no breeze at all. Oh, and It’s James’ birthday next Tuesday, he turns 20 and until the day before I have no money to get him a gift, and during that week I have work experience and can’t anyway. Plus, I have no idea what the hell to get him. A raid round Topman is probably needed.

As if being poor wasn’t bad enough, it’s so painfully warm here that everyone is constantly sweaty and disgusting. It was 31 degrees yesterday and I’d be willing to bet that it’s just as hot today. Last summer, it wasn’t such a problem, but now James stays over a lot more often it’s quite unbearable. It’s too hot to cuddle, too hot to share a bed comfortably and too hot for loving. Being physical people, we are not best pleased. We like our snuggles and closeness. They’re important to us. To go without isn’t nice at all, I mean, we can manage it ok but we’re both the sort who like to put a film on and cuddle up to watch it. We don’t like having to keep a distance to prevent ourselves from cooking.

I think I know what to get him now. I think i’ll buy him an air-con unit.

A Controlled Fire to Kill the Lord of the Flies

So, it’s about a week since I had my last exam and little of interest has happened. I’m finding myself perpetually exhausted of late for no real reason, I guess free time just makes you lazy. Like a sloth. I love sloths, and I think I’d make a good one…

zomg! sloth!

See? Told you. Sloths are WELL COOL.

So yes, I’ve done a lot of sleeping, and not really made any progress on my summer-missions. Apart from watching lots of South Park and MPD Psycho, the latter of which being possibly the most disturbing thing I’ve ever watched in my life. Hardly surprising though, the Japanese – and Miike in particular – make the most incredible thrillers/dramas/psychohorrors ever. I also watched Battle Royal II last thursday with James. I wish I hadn’t bothered because it was shit and meant I was really tired at Taylor’s after-party the day after. Tired and drunk. Apparently I became the “oh-shit-she-said-WHAT?!” girl, but at least I wasn’t sick. In fact, I walked the sick one home. Before dragging myself in at dawn.

After emerging from my pit some time that morning I dragged myself into Kingston, champagne in tow for Hattie’s 18th party. The theme was ancient culture/mythology, so of course, knowing Aphrodite had already been picked by a girl nuts enough to go in lingerie (much as I love her, I maintain that she is crazy), I knew I had to do something different. So the plan was Midas’ golden wife, achieved by donning a golden catsuit and not much else. However, due to the PVC legging argument I decided that perhaps something less clingy would be a better idea. So I turned up dressed like a Fury, got cold and was changed again by about half nine. I met some great people though, so that’s something to smile about. Afterwards, I stayed with Amy and we watched movies in the morning. I saw Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging for the first time and was pleasantly surprised by how good it was and how cute Robbie was, he’s very young looking but you can almost forgive him:

tasty.

We also watched Ten Things I Hate About You, which is one of my favourite films ever, plus based on William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew, so how can you fail to love it? As well as this, Amy cooked for me. So we have agreed a marriage of convenience, in which she cooks and I help her stop worrying. We’re contemplating letting James join, and be the protective figure, mainly because I need someone to share my love with. I confess, the main reason I would like this mormon-esque bigamous set-up is that James can’t cook, and nor can I, and I need someone to feed me.

I left Amy’s happy, having been fed, and embarked upon my next mission: sleep. I needed sleep as the next day we had to go into school ridiculously early to take books back. Why we couldn’t have given them in straight after their respective exams I will never know, and why we had to be up so early to hand them in I will never know, but it was worth it because I knew that as soon as I got home, any texts, notes or uniforms left in my possession were good to burn.

I invited many over that night, but only a few showed. I had my Tiffin Girls and Boys (Sophia, Jess, Divya, Adam & Jacob), Taylor, Aneesh, and James. Strictly speaking, James finished his exams too long ago to have been invited to a burning of notes and uniforms, but being as he was staying that evening I had him round early to meet more of the oddballs I call friends. I love them, and I love him, so it makes sense we should all love each other. I never intended to burn real books, just my notes. I have a problem with the idea of burning religious, scientific or political texts, it sounds like a bit of a Hitler thing, but if Jess could burn her great love, Shakespeare by tearing her annotated copy of Romeo and Juliet to feed the flames, I could certainly give Golding’s Lord of the Flies the same treatment. Of all ends, it was the most fitting.

Dumb Things I Gotta Do This Summer

So yes, it’s officially the first day of my summer holidays. Ok, ok, I’ve got to go into school on a few random days to do things like take books back, meet the newbies and get work experience done (why we can’t have it in term time of year ten like every other school ever i will never know), I am free. So that’s about two months with nothing to do. Time to plan I think.

I’m lucky enough to have an annual pass at the moment, so I get the feeling by the end of the summer, I will know the Thorpe Park queue-lines like the back of my hand. Unfortunately, none of my friends currently have them, so I’m waiting for Jaz to get her renewal back so that we can go. Until then, and around them, i need to find things to keep me busy, other than James.

So, I’ve compiled a list of things to do this summer:

• Continue my efforts in learning Japanese, by actually managing to commit things to memory which aren’t just words or numbers.
• Learn some guitar. I’ve found a lovely guy by the name of Elliot who is going to teach me once a week for £10 a session, so hopefully I’ll be able to play something by the end of the summer
• Get a job. Being constantly poor, and constantly bored, I’m going to need to start work somewhere, anywhere, on weekends
• Find someone to go to Wireless festival with. It’s the one festival I’m able to go to this summer, and desperately want to go to, but I have no-one to go with as of yet. James is the only one I know who’s really into the music and he is “too poor”
• Get James a kick-ass birthday gift. He’s turning 20 this July and I want to get him something cool
• Blog at least three times a week, with the possible exception of when I’m in Russia, I’m not sure I’ll have internet access as of yet.
• Get a gym membership. Staying home for two months will make me fat if I’m not forcing myself into some form of exercise.
• Learn how to play first person shooters and football games so I can school my brothers and boyfriend respectively and laugh.

It’s quite a nice list, in my opinion, and quite a nice challenge too. So far, I have no idea how to make any sort of progress on any level, apart from this last extra point, which I think I’ve just about got nailed:

• Watch a lot of DVDs

Z xxx

Rubber Lovers are Treated Better.

So it’s 11:30 the night before my last ever GCSE exam, and I should really be getting some shut-eye so I can be nice and refreshed when I sit it in the morning. Failing that, being awake should mean that I’m sat here cramming to a ridiculous degree. As you can probably tell, I’m doing neither, and nor do I plan on starting anytime soon. You see, much like I have been all day, I’m waiting for my man.

The other night I had to deal with a man who barely knows me and doesn’t know James at all, or our dynamic, telling me how shit a boyfriend he was as he wasn’t with me every night. To clarify, that’s not possible. I’m 16, in education and even if my Dad would allow me to stay with him during the week (which he wouldn’t) actually getting down to arranging meeting would be hell, as he does shift work and often works late into the night. It’s where he is now, come to think of it, or just finishing up and on his way home. To say I’m pissed off about it is an understatement.

You see, I’ve got used to him being here on Monday nights. With my Dad away it’s become a nice, cosy little routine because I can keep him here for as long as I want. So when I was at home literally all day today with no exams and nothing to do, I thought it would be nice to have him here being as I could really use the sleep right about now, and by having him over early I’d have avoided being up crazily late with him. Typically, I’m now up crazily late without him because he hasn’t taken the time – or hasn’t been able – to reply to my texts. I should have known, I’ve had the same treatment going on all day.

The sad thing is, I was watching Lars and the Real Girl the other day, and he treats his rubber lover so well. I know I shouldn’t complain, the guy is unhinged, but it’s just cruel that James is only ever cute with me when he’s drunk, wants something or we’re cuddled up together, and everyone else is so blissfully happy and wrapped up in their own little bubbles it makes me sick. It’s partly my fault, I guess. I’ve let it be like this from day one, and it’s only when I’m tired, miserable and bored after losing my tiny little slices of our “routine” that I seem to complain. *smashes head against the desk in a fit of rage*

I guess I never complained about it too much at the start because we’d have midnight meetings as well as the run-of-the-mill kind, where I’d wait until my Dad was asleep before sneaking out to meet him. He’s insisted on stopping that now because we got caught on account of the lodger waking up, but I’m not sure he realises that they were so important to me, because they were a way of us being able to spend real time together which we’d have otherwise lost – which we do lose now he doesn’t let me sneak out anymore.

Things would be so much easier for me some days if I could turn off all emotion. I’d probably be treated better if I could switch off, too. It’s sad but sometimes I think he’d love me more if I didn’t care, I’ve seen that messed up thing happen with guys before – including him. Truth is, right now I feel cheap. Or maybe it’s just that I’m tired and secretly a little nervous about the exam tomorrow. Either way, i’ve resigned to the fact that he’s not coming for me tonight, and must resign to my bed and pray for him to be in my arms tomorrow. I miss him too much, and lack of my Monday has really messed me up a fair bit. It’d be so much easier if he could just deflate me and keep me in a cupboard.

Z xxx

Wildcat!

As predicted, yesterday really was pretty fantastic, considering I didn’t get to festival it up like I’d have wanted. Emma’s party in Canbury was a nice change, she’s not the closest of my friends but she is going to be leaving to go to Esher college at the end of the year, so I was determined to go to her birthday-and-leaving picnic-party thing.

It was less of a picnic and more a load of us sat in the gardens getting gradually tipsy. Emma was wrecked by the time I left, and I left at five… Five hours early. I can’t say I blame her though, some of her closest friends left even earlier without even saying goodbye, which put her in a bit of a rotten mood.

Anyway, when five o’clock rolled around I had to disappear, and to be honest I wasn’t looking forward to the other party at that point. Partly because it would have been nice to stay longer with Emma, partly because my friends Shaun and Anthony (the latter of the two i haven’t seen in years) wanted to meet up, partly because I was skint, and partly because I was a bit preoccupied thinking about James. That last bit of worrying was cleared up though, he called me not long after I sat down on the bus. I couldn’t hear anything, he’d called midway through a Pendulum song without making any effort to find a slightly quieter patch of crowd. But I caught a few “I love you”s from the other end, and it was enough for me to know he’d taken the time to ring. Plus, I was drunk by then, there’s no way i could concentrate.

So I arrive at what was originally thought to have been the “crazier” of the two parties smashed out of my skull… I’m not proud of it, it wasn’t smart at all. This was also a themed party, which are generally a good laugh because my friends really get into it and all end up dressing like idiots. As Kerry couldn’t decide on a theme, they were formal casual, 80s and pajamas. No-one actually came wearing pajamas, which was a shame because it would have been pretty funny, and obviously, I opted for 80s… I don’t do formal casual, but I do do PVC leggings. In a big way. The way I see it, if you can get away with it, go for it!

So anyway, Kerry’s was good. It rained, and I love the rain, we had cake, pizza, other nibbles, and I’d been very clever and opted for cherry Lambrini, partly as it matches my hair, and partly as by mixing my drinks, the aim was to maintain my drunken delusion a while longer. That didn’t work, and towards the end of the night I was cuddled up on the trampoline with Chris and Beckie, quite prepared to fall asleep. I love those two a little bit too much. They’re so awesome. The night was made better by the comprehensible audible conversation with my boyfriend on his way back from Download. He claims Marilyn Manson was shit and he has reached out and touched Jesus. I think he was lying about Manson to make me feel better, and I hope he was joking about getting religion. I’m not a fan of religion, especially if it has the ability to impact on my life. Which it would if James suddenly became the no-sex-before-marriage type. I won’t lie, I’m a bit of a nympho, I couldn’t cut that.

And today? well, today, I slept a lot. I needed it, I really did. I’m so run down it’s ridiculous. I slept a lot, raided the beers at my mom’s, watched South Park and then logged on here ready to blog. Which is when i discovered I got 75 views yesterday, and that made me feel all fuzzy inside. Maybe, by keeping up the writing, that will become a more regular occurrence.

Z xxx

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Whose Boyfriend Didn’t Take Her to Download: Ranting is Back!

Hello again, told you I’d blog lots this summer… Two ays in a row! I haven’t done that since I first got this site… I guess I just want to write more, I mean, I’ve got the blog already, might as well use it. Though I may have to get a different one and use that to prevent the likes of Livvi, Jess, etc ripping the shit out of me over everything I write. Though i guess it would be easier just to stop writing in a cuntish way.

Is cuntish even a word? I’ll check Urban Dictionary later.

Anyway, I’ve recently discovered an addiction to anonymous confession sites. They’re so awesome. My favourites right now are http://secretzen.com, which is much like postsecret in that you make picture-based confessions, but better because it’s easier to navigate (just click and go!), and the other being http://grouphug.us, where posts are assigned random numbers. I guess the advantage of it is your post goes up automatically, with secretzen you have to wait a bloody long time. I should know, I’ve made three but only one is up on the site thus far.

My next confession will probably run something like this:
My boyfriend went to Download without me and now he must be punished.

“So what?” You’re probably thinking. “He went to a festival without you, big deal”. Honestly, I’m not that pissed that he didn’t ask me along, I’m more annoyed that his reason for doing so was that it would be “awkward” because he was going with his manager. I don’t know whether it’s because the guy isn’t aware he has had a girlfriend for the past 13 months and ten days (no, I shouldn’t know that, I’m cheating with my calendar), or whether it’s because I’m some kind of “burden”. All I know is I am “awkward”, and right now, he is getting high without me and seeing all the bands I love. He ribs me for liking heavy rock and metal, and then goes to the festival which is pretty much all heavy rock and metal. Except the Prodigy are headlining the main stage today, and they’re technically neither heavy rock nor metal. Yet they are one of my favourite acts.

Anyway, enough ranting about his day, now on to mine. While James is away enjoying the bands I would give my right eye to see, I have just got out of a nice hot soak in the bath and conditioned and blow-dried my hair. It looks really very red today, which is good because I’ve got two parties later on. Plus, I had to wash it really vigorously to get out all the gunk from last night, as, being a lazy shit, I had gone to bed with it still stuck vertically upwards down the centre of my head, rock solid. A very bad move.

So yes, parties. The first is in Kingston, starts at three, and the second in Feltham, starts at seven. Negotiating spending real time at either is difficult as it takes ages to travel between them. I can’t say I’m not going to one either, they’re both birthdays and I’d feel awful canceling on either girl, because they’re both absolutely lovely. I think i’m going to have to play the “fashionably late” card and turn up to the evening one an hour late, doesn’t sound much but that only leaves me a couple of hours at the first, bearing in mind I have to get more alcohol between the two. miserable stuff.

Anyway, it’s been good writing properly during the day for a change, but now I really must dash. I need to be out the house in about 40 minutes and I am nowhere near ready to leave.

Rest assured, I’ll keep you posted on the events of my day, and James’ punishment for disappearing without me, because there will be a punishment.

Z xxx

The Hair and the Figure of a 10 Year Old Boy

Hello, how are you today? It’s been a while, sorry about that. I’d like to say it’s because I’ve been studying like a thing possessed to prepare for my GCSE exams, but it’s more that I’ve done nothing of merit to write about, and nothing has really pissed me off enough to be able to rant, or upset my enough to bawl and pretend people on the internet care. Plus, I have developed an addiction to certain shameful things, such as Facebook, my Xbox, South Park and Eminem. I bought Relapse three days ago, I haven’t listened to anything else since. It’s dangerously good.

Anyway, I guess the biggest change that’s happened lately is that exams are almost over, so people are slowly becoming more willing to come out to play. Which makes me happy because between you and me, only being able to see my boyfriend wore thin after a while. I love him dearly, but besides a party in half term involving friends from outside school, he has been pretty much the only person I’ve spent proper time with, and it makes me grouchy not being able to see my mates. Much as I am the butt of absolutely all their jokes, I do love them a lot.

As well as that, I finally got round to dyeing my hair a delicious red colour. Of course, with my destroyed hair, it took well but washed out after the second wash down one side, it always does that and I have no idea why, so I now have a red fringe with orange around the rest of my head. I also have perpetually red fingers, on account of my colour-boosting conditioner which itself has colourant in it. Sometimes I wish I’d kept my natural colour in the first place, then I wouldn’t have had to continually dye it crazy colours to hide my freaky grey roots. Then I remember how bored I’d get.

In fact, boredom kicked in quite quickly after colouring it, and I had to change it again. So I booked an appointment and got most of it cut off. Everything was done to my head last saturday, clippers came out, the razors, thinning scissors, and a good old hack to boot. Losing a good 10 inches of hair in areas really was pretty fantastic. My hair is so thick that in the summer it needs to be short or tied back for me to survive. And I hadn’t really done short before then, apart from some hideous bowl cut by a hairdresser who just did not listen to what I wanted back when I was 11. That was fucking miserable. I had to live in a beanie hat, like Meg from Family Guy. Plus glasses, plus braces… Really not good. I’m much happier with it this time round, an asymmetric pixie cut which is great to play with. It’s a fauxhawk at the moment, and I love playing with it.

Part of my motivation for cutting it was also prom, I wanted something fresh and new, especially as my dress, is, well, surprisingly normal for me. A green, open-necked silk dress that gives the illusion of breasts. Good news because my 34 Bs need all the help they can get. As my lovely James told me in an attempt to piss me off (yes, i’m done with the whole anonymous thing. It confuses me writing it so how can anyone reading it keep up?), I now have the hair and the figure of a ten year old boy. He failed to realise that this reflects far worse on him than me, and that he’s wrong. I have hips, and my PVC leggings have proved the existence of an arse too. I’m just straight up and straight down up top. And short, at 5′4″.

I guess that’s all I can say right now, sorry it’s not very interesting. I don’t really have time to properly have a hardcore crack at this, I’m out later and preparing for a fancy dress next week. The theme is classical mythology, I’m going as Midas’ wife, who turned to gold at his touch. Any excuse to wear a catsuit! I like figure-hugging things, probably because I’m aware that I’ve only got about ten more years in which to wear them without it looking awful, and I like attention. Rest assured I’ll kick my ass into gear and blog lots over the summer.

Big big love, just because I’m nice and in a good mood
Z xxx